My eyes where blurred when you took your first breath of air, so tender and calm, as a living creature you truly have magic powers, You healed me from a  light depressive phase, from a numb stage, And gave me instant happiness, so strong that I shouted in a tram IM A FATHER, !!!!!!! Half of the tram shushed me but the other half cheered and applauded! You turned my mixed mind into a light river flow, and gave me space to comprehend the moves I have done in the last 2 years from Tokyo to Zurich. You transformed my antagonist self into my ally and taught me to get peace with my phantoms.

In that tiny reflection of myself in your eyes I become the father I want to be for you. A magician you are taking me by the hand to feel and understand the world in tiny and huge scales, you show me how space is so relative for people, you live a beautiful color world in my grey tiny box.

I felt so much when you were born, I joined worlds when I sang to you the SUKIYAKI song, I also cried when you me my mom’s soul singing to you Duerme Negrito, and concluded an incomplete sensation when I danced with you tear drop from Massive attack.

You gave balance in this year, Two close deaths  one new born that brought brightness and gave happiness to our sorrows.

You are full of enigmatic energy and you have no problem in sharing the purity of existence. EVERYTHING is included when you look at me wondering and beginning to understand this universe you came to. You are my new motor of life and your mother is my heart .

Burritos 7chf 

There`s always a first time to everything, In Bern I went for a CARRIOLA and when I was pushing it towards the train back to Zürich I realize that the only trolley I had pushed where the ones in the supermarket and the ones in the airport  This ,my friends was a new experience. After knowing that I would be a father, I quickly examined my life so far, I  knew my life was exiting, and great, Having a child would transform my life forever, at least that`s what people always say and that’s how you get mentalized to think.

How to put a trolley up and down the tram was an adventure, the first time was a disaster; luckily I had no kid in the trolley, because it almost went down. No people helping you, you feel handicapped with a trolley in the tram

I thought that my life was a bit catastrophic in a way that I was still searching for my life and goals, in a new country, and because I have not make anything solid for my future. Until now I just have made things that gives me power to the past and present but not future.

Until now I have 2 business that I am developing, The Primo Tacos, and the Silla Acapulco and they are developing in a great way,

The thing is that 9 months are a perfect time to think about how the future of your child will influence you, and how are you prepared to make relate with your child. I guess this is not about much planning, it is about instinct. The baby (which I still don`t know what gender is) is still not born. The due date was the 12 of November and 4 days later it is still in his belly, just dreaming cozy inside his bubble. Today Sunday we are both Sevi and me in our house printing photos and making albums. I still have to find a job and make Primo Tacos and LA SILLA ACAPULCO successful.

The kid is coming and there`s a little pressure in me to be successful because I’m starting to feel that age is a vulnerable thing when you look for a job. But I was never trained to have a job, I trained myself to be independent, And that’s how I still want to work , but, in a foreign country that laws are unbreakable and people are so afraid to be independent it`s not so easy.

I am glad that my kid is coming, I will cherish this moment.

Tuna tostada

5 chf

Four consecutive  consecutive weekends going to the woods, 

1 week 26 juli, Rigi with Tokiko and Sevi, 

1 week, 1 august Cadlimo Hütte

2 week the woods behind my house

3 week, Uetliberg

These three weekends have been good for me, I`ve been out and doing good things, feeling good and thinking about this somehow slow summer, a little boring, but its ok, 

I’m not going to japan, neither China, I wanted to go somewhere out in my last days of  vacation before the child comes, but I have not been able to organize it, I am still extra confused about being a father, and instead of behaving like a parent I take the role of the little kid, 

I am not focusing enough of the things I should do, and I loose so much time doing things that are actually not practical and doesn`t help me much in making a better future. It is really hard to see some of many of my Rodrigo’s dying and new ones betting born, but it’s hard to say goodbye to the old Rodrigo’s , and the new ones I still don`t want them to get born.

It’s a paradox, because you are getting old, but you have to get rid of your old YOU`s and embrace the new ones that comes with age and responsibility. I`m still not ready for that. I don’t know how to embrace them. And soon a kid is coming and I’m not prepared! because so far I have not achieved my goal to be in the opera business, but then again , probably I will never get in because I do so little or not at all to get in, 

I desire to much, I want to do everything, but because of that , I don’t do nothing and then I get frustrated because I didn’t do anything, It’s weird and funny in many ways , but it is also scary , 

I miss my old me, the one nobody understand, but he got things done, I don’t know exactly when I changed to me, crazy, 

So I decided to make a change right now, at 12:23 pm 25/august/2014

The undisputed blinded truth of a fantastic weekend.

Crunchy grasshoppers with chips $ gratis, I made them!!

Street parade was in Zurich 2 of august, Me 38 about to have a child, It looked that It was a nice moment to go for the first time to the street parade in Zurich, wild party, sex, drugs, DJs, etc. Probably the last time I could be going, but no. Instead somehow my plans where others, HIKING in CADLIMO, up to 2570 mt high on the Ticino mountains, bad weather, boring time?, Honestly I don’t know, I never go hiking. Sevi´s sister goes there to work on summers with Heinz. How boring could it be? Maybe a little? I wasn`t sure, But for one year Sevi wanted to go with me to Cadlimo, and last year I didn`t, so she was expecting this time, I would say Yes to Cadlimo! I didn`t have any option though, So, Instead of a Party on street parade, I opted boring (Like if I had a choice).

Before going on  Friday, 1 August  I took the advice from my friend Lukas, to try making Stan up paddling, This boring image of somebody rowing and standing on a board  with a big belly, I thought It was boring but a piece of cake, after all I had done Laser joller, Stand up paddling, common, Ok, I`ll go , I was not prepared , I didn`t have my swim suit, or anything, but anyway, Lukas was going on Sunday to Südtirol, I wanted to spend some quality time with him, rowing, or paddling, whatever the difference.

So I joined, I transformed myself from a fatty body into a cool shaped seal body with a black bodysuit, 

I grabbed my XXXL board and a paddle, and went to the zurichsee.

Guille my friend was also paddling. He thought I would have no trouble doing paddling because I skateboard,

 He was wrong,

I couldn’t stand on the damn board for more than 3 minutes, I was falling and falling, and falling, until the worst came. The fifth fall was the eye opener, as I was trying to control the wild board under my feet, I fell again and on the splash I realized that I just had lost my glasses. A moment of total sadness, between not seeing anything for I am a total myopia guy, and not seeing my glasses because of the turbulent waters, I was then in total despair. Suddenly I felt my glasses  touching my upper right leg, I dive like I have never before dive in my life, trying to catch it, no luck, My glasses where gone, slowly sinking in the depths of the dark zurichsee .

For a long time I haven’t felt like a kid, being teached by life in a more simple way.

Lesson of life.

“If you are going in the water with your glasses put a rubber band on your glasses, otherwise DON`T get in the water, You`ll lose your glasses surely you will lose them.”

Me

“No problem, I will grab my glasses every time I’m falling to the water, how difficult could that be?”

Lesson of Life,

“That’s why rubber band for glasses where invented”

Me

“Oh who need that shit when you anticipate the problem?”

Lesson of life,

“Exactly, anticipate the problem, don`t go inside.”

Me

“Nah”

Lesson on life

“(sigh)”

I talked to the paddling teacher and explained the situation.  He then went in the water to try to find the glasses with goggles. I was sitting on the dock like a little almost blind kid Thinking about the lesson of life, and looking around the new fluffy world I haven`t seen for a while. During that time I was in the awkward situation of having to call Sevi to explain the situation meaning that obviously I wouldn’t go to CADLIMO, the next day, “How could I climb a mountain with more than 10 points myopia in each eye?” Next moment, silence, I knew Sevi was sad and about to cry, not because of my glasses, but because she had plan this trip for a while to go together.  I felt also devastated, because somehow my wish on staying in Zurich for the street parade was becoming reality. It was the perfect excuse not to go actually, but my heart broke so strong with these 5 seconds of silence. I said I’ll meet here in the house and hung up.

After 30 minutes, obviously he didn`t find them. He told me that tomorrow the police could come to scuba and find the glasses in the morning, that phrase really made a clear image in my mind.  “Police scuba divers coming with a big boat, looking for my glasses” (talk about self-esteem). That thought made me feel important, it gave me hope. I thanked Philippe, the nice teacher and headed back to the house trying to grab the right tram number to go home. Guille my friend helped me to go back home. It was totally an awkward day.

Next morning…….. (Next post)

sardihnas grilhadas 5 euros , soooo cheap, Lisbon.

The world is Portugal for a week. The world became Lisbon for a week in my mind,

I thought, if the world was Portugal (which in a way it was a long ago) People would be authentic, they could eat incredibly good, they would be proud of their world. And they would be amazingly raw, people are astoundingly sentimental, and that is something you don’t find much in the rest of the world.

As I was riding in trough Lisbon guts swallowing mosquitos by the window in the tram no 28 a moment of enlightment shook my head with ecstasy sniffing on every corner of delightful food smells. Garlic, on that corner, grilled fish on that window, octopus in that door. The thing about these types of countries is that in a way there are still not totally discovered, and me, as a traveller it’s still fascinating to feel that an extra effort and an extra curiosity can open many undiscovered doors in the country.

I lived in Porto for one year. Porto was my most memorable time outside my country, especially because I didn’t have any money, so it was fun and nice to try to make money on the streets like a painter, but I discovered Portugal and it`s mystique.

Now 15 years later the Portuguese capital has trapped me again, I wish Lisbon was a woman so I could really flirt with her, and in some ways I did. I lived Lisbon and Lisbon lived me also. I think Europe starts in Spain, because Portugal is Unique.

LANDSGEMEINDE WURST  CHF 35

Yesterday Sunday, we really made a great excursion and saw a really important part of Swiss culture. We went to the LANDSGEMEINDE in Glarus, The only authentic democracy left in Switzerland, (and probably in Europe).

Fantastic and beautiful. It was a charm and a really moving to see all the voters raising their hand with a light blue card.

It was also great to see the crowd; the crowd could vote and have lunch at the same time. It was really fascinating to observe how the machinery of democracy changed and this rusted democracy still seems to be the most fast and evident one in terms of what people want. It doesn’t get through the invisible process of counting and making corruption.

After the event that lasted until 13 o’clock we went to Mollis to eat at the Löwen restaurant a typical Glarner sausage that you only eat in the Landsgemeinde day.

It is DELICIOUS al thou 80 % of the sausage is bread.

Then I went back with the train with Alexandra. Franz sister. It was nice to talk to her in the train. It seems you get to know better people in the train. 

I also talked with Jen who was visiting from Boston, Franz wife. Jen is also a great woman, I really enjoy her company.

Estofado de borrego priceless

 ayer dando una vuelta por Zürich por nuestra nueva casa encontramos  unos nuevos rincones para conocer nuestro barrio. Encontramos ciertos espacios muy especiales que consideramos perfectos para  ciertas actitudes que tenemos los dos.
Encontramos un escenario hecho de agua   con gradas perfectas para elaborar una
batalla de barcos como en la época romana. Encontramos una vista increíble cerca de la Universidad de Zürich.

 Observamos que Zürich tambièn tiene sus construcciones feas como cualquier otra ciudad, Elefantes blancos a mi gusto.
La poètica de cada ciudad comienza con los edificios y termina con su sociedad.

 Sevi encontró un buen punto para hacer fotografías
Aquí en esta foto esta Sevi y Akachan.
Es importante conocer el barrio antes de adentrarnos en la nueva aventura!!

Hoy compramos  boletos a Mexico con KLM , y fue bastante alentador ya que nos costò nada mas y nada menos que 650 CHF el boleto. Nada caro para ir a México.
Perfecto para poder tramitar finalmente el corte umbilical de mi país.
Espero que todo salga bien.

Por otro lado el 14 de mayo vamos a Lisboa una semana, Me acuerdo cuando corrí el maratón de Lisboa en 1995 supliendo a un amigo que no podía correr.
Me acuerdo que no estaba preparado y lo corrí y fui el último en llegar.
Me acuerdo que la ambulancia estaba atrás de mi esperando a que cerrara y cuando llegue finalmente a la meta ya la premiacion había terminado y ya ni siquiera habia agua para los corredores, y tuve que hidratarme en el baño de un café . Casi me desmayo.

New house, new city, new way of life. That’s what I need, today, making arrangements on my life in Switzerland, thinking as always the decisions I have made, if they were the right ones or just another one of many bad decisions I have made.

Since I have been here, I have decided to make a Master degree on Interaction Design, which if I think about it It was worth this decision in many ways. I have met so many people, and seen the power of being a student. But that’s also a big problem. Student at 37 is not so normal, I`ve become a student in the ZHdK for a year now. I have missed job opportunities because of that. Sometimes I regret being a student and making that decision, but decisions are made at the moment and you think at that moment what better suits you. And at the end I’m really happy took that decision.

Now, things have changed and I have three options to do here.

1. - change to MA THEATER

2. - Finish MA INTERACTION DESIGN

3. Get a job.

This Friday I have a meeting with people on the MA scenography.  To see if they accept me or not.

I`m willing to pass that test but at the same time I`m looking for a job now. 

I have then a conflict that I want to keep on doing theater, but I have to be open minded in a sense that changes always bring changes and you have to change with it. There’s no change without the will to change.

And the sill to change visualizes even the extreme changes that are making something totally new.

And that’s what I’m kind of struggling with. I need to shut the last doors in Mexico and finally open the new ones in Switzerland. I still have not opened the new ones. I have not been brave enough to open them because in live you just have a few doors open, you cannot have many opened doors at the same time.

You have to shut doors in order to open new ones. And sometimes you have to walk through those opened doors to close them and then go to the next opened door.

opened doors means new experiences , new light, new perspective and new space, and is wise to bring old experiences to new doors, but not old memories and old habits to new doors, that doesn’t work.

So today is easter

Tuve uns regresion este fin de semana.
Desde hace eternidades el deseo de regresar a escribir  en el blog se volvio en sì mismo mi no deseo.
 De repente tengo miedo de escribir por que a veces pienso que lo que decìa antes tenia mejor consistencia.
hace tiempo que no escribo y hay parte de mi vida que se borrarà. Que no habrà evidencia de lo que hice , por que la memoria no es tan fuerte, y menos ahora con la vulnerabilidad dela mente enfrentando la nube virtual. La nube llega a ti, llega a tu cabeza , te nubla, y sigue su rumbo en la inmensidad del mundo.
Y mientras tanto uno ya no se acuerda ni de su telefono mismo.
Pero lo cierto es que este fin de semana tuve una cita con Friburg y con los Haymoz. Decidì ir a visitarlos y pasar un rato animado con ellos y en uno de mis nichos aun intocables por la gente. Los pocos espacios que quedan  fuertes en mi mente son de èstos rincones.